I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Panties = found
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