we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
