hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
