Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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