...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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