i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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