I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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