So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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