I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the day after is always just damage control
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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