Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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