ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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