Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
