Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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