We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
