I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
