guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My vagina is officially offended.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
