Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
