Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
