dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so fucking centered right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
