I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
