i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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