We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
