apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
