we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
