You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
