Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
