i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
