I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
