Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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