Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I intend to get homeless drunk
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
