dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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