I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i dont even know how to be here
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
