I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
