I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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