i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
