drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
