is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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