Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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