and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
