Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
