why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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