I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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