he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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