I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
