He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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