M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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