What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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