very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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