I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
