I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
