what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
