Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We just shotgunned beers for America
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
