Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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