If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
