My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
