Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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