I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
