Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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