if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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