Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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