youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
