i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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