Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
