Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
