when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
