Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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