need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The cops high fived after they tackled you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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