i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
