I just found puke in my bra..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
