I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
