That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
