I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was confusing and full of hummus
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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