i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
