A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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