yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
