lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
