At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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