the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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