pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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