no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
